“You’ll never amount to anything.” “You’ll never be able to hold a job for long.” “You’ll never be able to play sport well.” “You’re so uncoordinated.” “You’ll never be as good as Tommy.” “Nobody wants you.” “You don’t understand, do you stupid?” “You must have cheated in the test.” “Why are you here, toad face?” HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?
Hearing anybody telling a child that, makes me sick. It is as much a criminal act as cutting off a limb or throwing acid in a face. It dismembers a child for life. It cuts away the child’s self esteem and leaves the child condemned to self loathing and a life of fighting others to over-compensate. It can lead to hatred of others and a life of crime. The child will believe that people are worth nothing because of its own self image.
A young adult reared this way will be a violent, possessive partner and parent trying to establish their place in the world. It’s what they need to prove their worth to themselves, not knowing that rule by fear is wrong.
The other way is to crawl into a mental shell and fear ever trying to achieve anything. Unconsciously justifying failure in jobs and relationships because hurting has become part of them. The older they get, the harder it is to change. The mold is set while they are children.
Why isn’t this self evident common sense?
Back in 1998 psychologists in the Netherlands got two groups to do a mental task. One group had words associated with old age – ‘slow’, ‘old’, ‘wrinkled’, etc. The other group was fed words unrelated to age. The test had nothing to do with the task they performed. They were timed walking down the hall to the exit. The group using the age related words took ‘significantly longer’ to walk the hallway.
That is so simple as a research project as to be laughable. You don’t have to be astute to know that an audience member laughing heartily while watching a funny film induces others to do the same. It’s that easy. So what effect does constant negative input have on the impressionable mind of a child?
Child abuse is usually thought of as being physical but words spoken without raising a loud voice can be just as destructive.
Emotional sabotage of young minds is being perpetuated by ignorant adults who were reared by more ignorant adults. In turn, they’re raising children to do the same thing to the next generation.
Cuts, bruises and broken bones heal. This mental rape of an innocents’ future does not.
There is hope to stop this if the parents understand. But try to get a deeply emotionally driven angry person to realize they are wrong.
Removing the child is an option but under what conditions? Where will the child go? Will it get love, or abuse that love or get abused in a different way?
The carnage of young minds continues.
Yes, I do care passionately about this.
Tell your children you love them and show it. Encourage them to explore knowledge and talents. Let them make decisions. Get them to be self motivating, independent thinkers. You have to be aware of the changes taking place in the world. Your children’s world is not the same as yours was. It never will be. They have to respect you because you gave them the right mental and emotional tools for life, not because you demand it. Be ‘home base’ to them – the safe footing that launches them into the world.
People you will never know will know you, through your children.
They must have self-respect and empathy for others, rights to their own space, time and property but know about the value of sharing and cooperation. “Why” must be answered satisfactorily, not with “Because I said so.” They must know that winning is good but no one excels at everything so even coming last happens. It’s ok.
They must know that life throws everything at you. It is how you deal with it that matters.
Maybe it seems like a daunting task but you’ve got years ahead that will be filled with learning, growing and love.
If that doesn’t happen, it means you have more learning to do.
Life’s an adventure. Enjoy.
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PETS.
Kids have to have a pet. A Goldfish or bird in a cage doesn’t fill the reason why they should have a pet. They need something they can touch, cuddle, play with, take responsibility for, to get them used to caring for another creature.
It not only prepares them for children of their own, but caring for the needs of others in general. Goldfish don’t show emotions. Dogs do, and they are called ‘man’s best friend’ for a reason. Cats are independent but cuddly and cute. There are other animals we can care for but many are illegal to own.
For a glimpse of the future of mankind and his relationship with animals, visit the Great Apes Project. Once you get over the idea and look to the future to see humans and other living creatures helping each other to survive and prosper, shades of the mythical Garden of Eden start to form. Your children will see this change taking place.
Pets can run around with children better than any adult and we know they can be trusted. In a way, pets become baby sitters for a while. The responsibility associated with caring for a pet is a lesson in life that can’t really be taught another way.
Just learning the companionship of a loyal pet is a lesson. Teaching it to do things requires patience and learning technique. The rewards of a pet with children far outweigh the minor cost and occasional inconvenience involved.
The death of a pet prepares the child for the trauma of loved ones leaving. They more easily realize the consequences and signs of age or of reckless actions like running onto a road. These things happen. The child should be prepared through experience.
A side-line here – if you live on a semi rural property, get a couple of geese. They’re better than dogs in the sense of being ‘watchdogs’. But keep them outside the house. They poo wherever they feel like it.
A friend asked, “What do you define as a ‘child’?”. The purpose of this blog is directed to babies and children up to the age of puberty. It is quite broad and could be divided into two blogs but the idea is to go with the flow of where you take it.
As Dean Martin said, “Keep those cards and letters coming in.” You will determine the path taken but the accent is on providing a well rounded information forum for all.
IQYouth is coming up in a couple/few months’ time. If you want to be part of that, email and we can talk.
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If you are a part of an organization dealing with children or youth, get in touch. If I believe in your course or cause, I’ll promote it.
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Visit our other site at IQAdult.blogspot.com It’s a self help site covering a wide range of topics.
Besides posting your comments, you can also send email to iqchildren@gmail.com
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Keep well. Jay Ross.
